Today marks 6 months exactly since my final day at Eight Capital. I was disappointed that I hadn’t found a new job yet – they announced in mid-January that they were winding down the business, so I had been looking since early February. I had one interview with a large well-known multinational company in London – I thought the interview went really well, and the Talent Acquisition person who did the interview was very encouraging, talking about next steps, and being in touch with me before the end of the week. I was really energized by that! But that was the last I heard from him. No calls, no emails, my follow-ups went unanswered. I had been ghosted. Completely disappointing, and unprofessional on their part. The more people I speak with, however, the more common I’m hearing that experience is. It’s a tough job market out there, HR folks, a little humanity wouldn’t kill you.
My biggest challenge, I believe, is geographic. There are lots of postings for jobs in Toronto, but the posting specifically says it’s “on-site”. Why the backlash against remote work? Didn’t COVID show that it was possible, and also increased employee satisfaction? I don’t understand it. I am not moving back to Toronto, so I’m looking at London and Chatham and area. Chatham has basically nothing, and London is monopolized by that company discussed above. Not very encouraging!
In May, when my severance had run out, I really started struggling. I had increased anxiety, I couldn’t keep anything down. I constantly felt like I was in fight or flight mode. The constant nausea and worse was impossible to live with. If you’ve been here before, you know I have pre-existing mental health issues (see “Mental Health Week 2024” post from May 2024), and the anxiety was not helping. I was able to get an appointment with the NP at my doctor’s office, and she prescribed me some anti-anxiety meds. They were a lifesaver! They helped almost immediately. RFK Jr can go to hell for what he says about psychiatric meds.
Once I used up my retention bonus from Eight Capital, I had to apply for EI. That was far and away one of the worst days of my life. I’m a highly-educated, skilled professional with almost 25 years experience in financial services! I shouldn’t need EI. I’ve had a job almost constantly since I was 15 years old. The shame I felt hitting “submit” on the application was like something I had never felt before. I know I’ve paid into the system for 40 years, and I’m entitled to the assistance, but I was embarrassed that I needed it. That feeling hasn’t left me.
I’ve applied for 4 jobs with the aforementioned company; I got the latest rejection mid-September. I had what I’m certain was a panic attack that day (zero stars – do not recommend). My best friend believes that the universe is telling me that this company is not for me. Even though they’re the only game in town for someone with my resumé, she’s probably right at this point.
In total, I’ve applied for probably 12-15 jobs that match my skill set, and a few for which I’m over-qualified. And I’m batting .000. Just that one interview in February to show for it.
I’m about halfway through my EI eligibility period, and I’m not doing very well. The months will fly by, and I have no idea what I’m going to do. I’m legit concerned about what is going to become of me. Add to that, I’m bleeding money – I needed new tires on my car, and Lily needed surgery. Still don’t know how much, or if, insurance will cover for her. And I have a chipped tooth I can’t afford to fix. I look like a fucking hillbilly.
I don’t mean to be a drama queen, but I really don’t know what’s next. There are no jobs in the area for which I’m qualified. And I’m not getting any feedback along with the rejections for those jobs for which I am qualified. What I do know is it’s time to increase the anti-anxiety meds. Anxiety, panic, and looming despair are not comfortable bedfellows.
It’s a terrible thing to have peaked in grade school.
RC Country Life 